He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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