It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
