She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
