At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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