When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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