totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
