she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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