I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
