I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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