Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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