Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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