I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hate all girls vehemently.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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