I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
