Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
