Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
