My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
