Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
