he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
