How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
