dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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