So drunk its hurt
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
