u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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