im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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