I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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