ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
