My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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