dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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