oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
