just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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