I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
