I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
