guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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