Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
