I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
