I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
