Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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