I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
