You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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