SEEEEXXX PLEASE
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
