how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
