It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize