thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
