Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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