I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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