i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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