Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
vagina is talking i cant
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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