Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
