Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
