I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
