I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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