she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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