made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
