sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
