nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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