so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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