Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
