Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
