Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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