She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize