Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
