the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
