I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
