wanna go halves on a baby?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
