I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize