Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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