I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
