She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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