It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
