my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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