onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
