Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
