He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
