Porn is love you can see.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
