I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and she was petting her beer can
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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