Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
