Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
